an experiment
I’ve been working on improving my mental health for a while now. I’ve been going to my therapist once a week since July. And I’ve been trying out this idea of mindfulness – trying to be less judgmental, especially towards myself, being more present in the moment, being more aware of what I want and my body and my feelings about myself and others. I’ve never tried something like this before, but being out of school and in the workforce, with some free time and a desire to feel good mentally, emotionally, and physically, has been a good opportunity to try to do something for myself that I thought might actually be worthwhile, even if it sounds pretty weird and potentially useless. And I think it is actually working for me. One nice part of mindfulness is that since it is nonjudgmental, I can’t honestly tell myself that I am failing or succeeding at it – I am just happy to feel a little more aware and in control of my day-to-day decisions and emotions.
So I’ve been doing some physical therapy as well, and the woman who I go to talks a lot about overall wellness, beyond the physical work I am doing. One of the hard parts about my increased awareness and thinking about wellness is admitting to myself and sometimes others that I’ve had the desire to do a lot of things that I know or think will make me feel good or stronger or healthier or more fulfilled; but that I have been severely lacking motivation and commitment to work on those things.
So I’ve been kind of bumbling around on my own, trying to increase my motivation, knowing that it has to come from me if I want to make real change, but not really knowing how. There are so many things I want to do, like work out on a regular basis, read more, eat better, write more and regularly, lose some weight, spend less time on the internet, etc. I realized sometime in the last month that one big problem I have is I’ve never really set realistic goals for myself. I usually aim way too high, fail (of course), get discouraged, and then give up. So I started reading about setting goals, and how I might get closer to achieving what I want. I wrote myself this list, of all the things I want, with notes breaking it down into easier steps. I tried to make it more manageable. Then, my physical therapist mentioned a book the other day.
So the book is technically for weight loss. But the way my therapist described the process behind it was really interesting. So I found the book at the library in town, checked it out, and started reading.
The book is The Best Life Diet by Bob Greene. He’s this guy who helped Oprah lose weight. That made me skeptical, because I don’t really know how I feel about Oprah, and I am always a bit unsure about her stuff, like her book club and the upper-class feel of her show and endorsements. My dad has this joke that I always say to Chad or whoever will listen when I’m in line at the grocery store. He says, “did you see who’s on the cover of ‘O Magazine’ this month?” and that’s pretty much the joke, ha ha ha (answer: it’s always Oprah). Aren’t you glad you’re reading this?
Anyway, I started reading this book because it sounded like a flexible kind of life change plan that I could use for many areas of my life. Just what I need, a framework for change, since I already know what I want and have some ideas of what needs to happen to get there. But this will help me be realistic and stay on track for lasting change. So here’s hoping. Anyway, I’ve read the first 30 pages or so and for the beginning you are supposed to ask yourself three questions and answer honestly. Aren’t you lucky, I’m going to do it right here on my blog. And then if I feel like it, later I’ll update you on my progress or what Bob wants me to do. For now, I am going to do the actual weight loss program I’ve decided, and here’s why:
1.) I do indeed want to lose weight
2.) I really want to work out more regardless, because it is satisfying and gives me energy
3.) I have already started eating better and cooking more (then I did while in school and over the summers living on my own), and that will make this easier and also perhaps reinforce these healthy habits
4.) As a rule in my life, I don’t do diets, but this barely feels like a diet from what I’ve read so far, and I’m taking everything with a grain of salt, so let’s see what happens
Okay, three questions, and my answers:
1.) Why are you overweight?
Several reasons actually, in my opinion. When I was younger, the times that I stayed in shape and leaner are when I was participating in regular, rigorous exercise. I played soccer for a while, but it was being on competitive swim teams that really helped me. Now, I exercise sporadically, but except for one short period when I tried to work out 2-3 times a week a few years ago, I am low on the activity level, which is crucial for me to keep weight off, in my experience. Also, I take shortcuts in my diet all the time, and give in to cravings or late-night hunger. I get lazy so I eat out instead of cooking. I eat junk food sometimes even when I have healthier foods around. My biggest food problem: we never stock a lot of sweets in the house like cookies or something with chocolate. So I crave it once or twice a week, and not always at a meal time. Then, I go to get something like a hostess snack at the gas station or ice cream or a box of cookies to have around the house (doesn’t often last long). I’ve started to come up with a plan to combat this though. I’m trying to find items with sugar and chocolate that we can have around the house that are easy to incorporate into meals, so that they aren’t always a snack and I crave them less. Also, a lot of times when we go to the gas station or grocery store for anything I get a Diet Pepsi, which I know is not good for me. That, I am finding I think I can give up cold turkey, as of last Saturday.
To recap: no exercising in my life, as well as laziness and bad habits when it comes to what and when I eat, have been the major factors contributing to being overweight. And I probably stress eat too.
2.) Why do you want to lose weight?
Because I want to feel healthier. I want feel better about myself. And because it is tied in for me with healthy eating, which always makes me feel better than the days I eat junk, and regular physical activity, which gives me a huge amount of energy, which I miss very much since I my swimming career ended when I graduated from high school.
3.) Why have you been unable to maintain weight loss in the past?
Hmm, this one is harder to answer, though not for the reasons Bob might think. I haven’t really tried to maintain weight loss in the past. I mean I was overweight in middle school for a little while. And then I started swimming 2 hours a night 5 nights a week plus meets on the weekend. And all of a sudden I was thin. But then when I swam less and eventually stopped altogether, I gained more and more weight. But I’ve never dieted before, or even focused an exercise program on weight loss. So it’s not very intentional or conscious, but I guess I’ve been unable, unwilling, or unmotivated, depending on the time of my life, to start a new program of regular exercise, so the weight I lost years ago came back because my activity disappeared.
What I’m really hoping will come out of this will be an ability to apply the type of discipline mixed with realistic goal setting that Bob Greene uses to help people lose weight in other areas of my life that I want to improve. I could even ask myself a similar set of three questions: Why don’t you post to your blog very much? Why do you want to post to your blog more? Why have you been unable to regularly post on your blog in the past?
